Corruptions Corrupted Moments
by Darkon Shadows
Summary: Metroid Prime 3 has it's moments and they certainly don't point them out in the game quite like this.  Might spoil the game slightly.


Disclaimer: YADA YADA YADA doesn't own Metroid and this is a fan fiction for the game Metroid Prime 3 Corruption.

Spoiler: To understand any of this humor you have to at least have played the game, to that end if you read any further it might ruin parts of the game.

There are several moments where Samus or other character could make an awkward comment throughout Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, most of the moments correlate to the game you just have to find it and probably get a screenshot of it, while some aren't part of the game at all.

There is more Corruption in all places, then meets the eyes and here's what you probably didn't see in the game.

1. Fighting the first Berserker Lord.

Samus: PHEW, GET SOME DEODORANT I CAN SMELL YOUR ARMPITS THROUGH MY HELMET.

2. Fighting the first Berserker Lords twin brother.

Samus: Well at least I brought a visor upgrade this time, so at least the stench won't try to assassinate me through my shields.

3. Moment after fixing a generator and then spotting Ridley for the first boss fight against him.

Samus: Ah hell! Why won't you just stay dead already? You've been reincarnated like what, twelve times?

4. After beating the first seed boss Mogenar.

Samus: UGGHHHH, I knew drinking to much before a big fight was a bad idea. (Samus throws up on the floor, after removing her helmet of course.)

5. In the watch tower in sky city before earning the plasma beam from the boss fight.

Samus: Why in the hell is Ghor trying to jack my ride? Or is he trying to... EW! That's a bad mental image and I hope that's not what he's attempting, sick robotic pervert.

6. And Ridley... again.

Samus: You know, I could have sworn I gave you the shaft... why did I just say that?

7. The dissolving space pirate at the Elysium's Xenoresearch labs.

Pirate: So close to safety…. the save room should save my life…. uhhhh… so weak… At least no one is….. around to open the door…. because I just might dissolve entirely if I got caught in it's opening field.(Crawls up to door leading to the next room which leads to the save point, then he props himself up to the door getting ready to open it, while on the other side of the door)

Samus: That's the last time I take directions from a Aerial Repair Drone. (She walks up to the door as on the other side the pirate was propping himself up against it, she shoots the door and it sticks for a short moment)

Pirate: Shit, I've only got a few seconds left to live until this door opens... Samus Aran had hot ass… and I wish I could have seen her in person. (Then the doors flew open and the last thing the pirate saw as he dissolved was Samus Aran, so he died happily except for the last thought that he should have wished for Samus nude and to be accompanied by some hot Space Pirate females.)

Samus: LUMINOTH CRAP! I think I might have soiled myself, I'm just lucky this suit is designed to handle such things, but crap that pirate just dissolved… cool.

8. Why Samus really hates Metroids so much, again Elysium's Xenoresearch labs, walking past a bunch of tubes filled with Metroids.

Phazon Metroid: Whoo, I'd like to suck your hot energetic fluids.

Phazon Metroid two: Hey let me out so I can hump your head.

Phazon Metroid three: Hey hot stuff, how about we go swimming in a lake of Phazon together?

Samus: I freaking hate Metroids and to make things worse I can't believe I took lessons on understanding them from the Chozo. (Then she turned the corner to see a feminine looking humanoid Metroid standing in a tube looking at her, she had brown crusty rock like armor cover her most of her torso and a long elegant stream of membrane hanging down her back.)

Primell: Yeah well, I'm Primell and I don't care if you come back and kill me or not, but if you want to know how to kill those guys just ask.

Samus: So how did you end up in there and are you the only intelligent Metroid that's not going to hit on me?

Primell: Long story, with even longer details and I have a boyfriend already thank you very much, at least he's not a Metroid and if whenever you set these guys free just so you know shoot them first and then freeze them, they have a tendency to dodge missiles by phasing through them.

Samus: Thanks I'll keep that in mind when I come back to mercilessly slaughter them.

9. Gandrayda gets creepy.

Gandrayda: Hey Sammie.

Samus: Let me guess, I have to kick your ass too?

Gandrayda: Yeah, but before we go into this whole boss fight thing I just want to tell you something.

Samus: Let me guess it's something like a surprise attack? (Gandrayda entire body blushed a bright pink color throughout every part of her)

Gandrayda: Actually, I love you Sammie and I love you so much I want you to have me and own me as your personal slave. (Samus just stood there mouth open and gaping, with the letters "WTF" scrolling across her visor.)

Samus: It's bad enough that I see fem slash in a vast number of fan fictions written about me and now your all over me like a love sick hyper active Zoomer?

Gandrayda: Funny you should mention that, because I wrote quite a bunch about us getting married and how our children will look since we're both female and all, then there are us both wearing the most beautiful dresses and the deep throat tongue love when I change the length of my tongue with my metamorphic abilities so I can... (Samus starts edging towards the nearby blue door, completely freaked out now.)

10: Gandrayda finds Dark Samus and Samus in the closet.

Gandrayda: Sammie where are you? Stop hiding, you know you….(Opens a blue door and screams.)

Gandrayda: HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS SAMUS! (Gandrayda finds both Dark Samus and Samus with out their helmets locking lips; Dark Samus had long black hair up in a pony tail and solid red eyes mirroring Samus with her blond hair and .

Samus: I've been corrupted by Dark Samus, duh!

Gandrayda: DIE DARK SAMUS! (Gandrayda lunges and Dark Samus and a fight commences, while Samus's corruption breaks due to the lack of concentration of the Dark Samus.)

Samus: Eww… that so did not taste like side hopper barbecue like she said it would.

11. Aurora Unit 217 is trying to murder you.

11 (alternative). Aurora Unit 217 set you up the bomb.

AU 217: Do you understand what you are posed to do Samus?

Samus: Can we go over this one more time?

AU 217: Fine, you are to deactivate the engines on the spire manually so that the Theronian bomb will drop on and destroy the seed shield. Do you understand what you are posed to do Samus?

Samus: No I still don't get it, why do I have to manually deactivate the engine so the bomb will drop while I'm standing right on top of it and all the while you have remote access to it. So I need you to explain this to me again, so I can understand better.

AU 217: Again. You are to deactivate the engines on the spire manually so that the Theronian bomb will drop on and destroy the seed shield. Do you understand what you are posed to do Samus?

Samus: No, because I certainly don't understand why me dying fits into this plan.

AU 217: WOULD YOU JUST GO ALREADY SHEESH, YOU TRY TO SET UP A MURDEROUS TRAP SECRETLY AND YOU'RE NITPICKED ABOUT EVERY DETAIL, NOT TO MENTION YOUR SAMUS FREAKING ARAN, I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'D SURVIVE A INCREDIBLY DEADLY TO EVERYTHING INCLUDING YOU BLAST!

Samus: …. You are one deranged lunatic organic super computer….

12. AU 217 purposely tipped them off I know it, see previous number to know what I'm talking about.

AU 217: Samus I am sorry to say that the pirates have somehow discovered your movements and are currently on there way to stop you right now, I don't know how they could have possibly found out about the Theronian bomb heading towards the seed shield.

Samus: Gee, I wonder how… asshole…

13. AU 217 screwed with the escape pod, it's so obvious that he wants you dead.

Spire computer: Warning, escape pod malfunction.

Samus: ($!$$) you AU 217, because I am so going (# #!) (#$ #!#) (! #!) ($!# !#) (# #! ) with my welding plasma function!

A 217: I certainly hope not or I will not be able to assist you in the future.

Samus: You call having me stranded on top of a large bomb with five minutes left to live assistance!

Spire computer: Escape pod repair functions available, accessing as you do not need to die with me, my programming is to end soon anyway.

A 217: DAMN IT ALL! I'm so close and you had to go and try to ruin it intelligent inferior Spire computer.

14. Shortly after achieving the Screw Attack, there are reasons why Samus will never turn on her translator again.

Strange illegible message: kadkgjadlkg; asglkfdjk; lhjkjkj; kdsaktdelta.

Samus: Translate this message.

Priestess: Oh, Yes! Last of the Science Lords, harder, harder, SHOW ME THE MAGIC… we must commune to the universe our love in the last of our last messages to whoever will come here to save our world from…

Samus: Stop translating now for the love of... (A short while later)

A different strange illegible message: DKOGJLASD SDFAGLDGJALSDK LJSGKADF DASJFSDJKLLDF….

Samus's ship: do you require reactivation of translation?

Samus: Hell no, I don't want to know what people were last doing here. (Sadly there was something to the last transmission Samus should have listened to)

A different illegible message as it sounds decoded: If anyone is listening to our last messages, we have discovered the secrets to controlling Phazon and stopping corruption caused by it which can easily stop the spreading of it, also we know how to stop Chozo battle armor from losing all of it's abilities in a simple explosion and finally we know how to create secret teleportation wormholes to any point in the galaxy near Chozo battle armor upgrades, if you wish to learn more….(The message continues along those lines)

15. The End.

Samus: Why Steve, WHY WERE YOU ON THE VALHALLA… AND HOW DID THEY KNOW ABOUT THE DREAD PROJECT… I guess… I should pursue Adam now since he's much more handsome.

Gandrayda: Why not me, I can be anyone you want me to be and we're totally compatible.

Samus: Sorry Gandrayda, I just don't bend that way.

Gandrayda: And yet you can bend yourself into a ball.

The End.


End file.
